Both the boys are dairy intolerant, for Boy this doesn't mean much, he has special butter, special chocolate and a complete lack of pizza. For Bear, however, it means two bottles a day of the most disgusting smelling prescription milk the world has ever seen. Nutramigen. Aka, nail varnish remover, seamlessly blended with rotten potatoes, dried and powdered for your convenience. Bear has been on this concoction for months, draining his bottles in a few minutes and casting the empty container aside. He likes his milk. Now though, he's no longer draining anything, he's sipping, chewing on the spout then chucking the full bottle away in disgust. Clearly his taste buds are now evolved enough that he actually realises what he's consuming.

This poses a problem. As I don't want his bones to crumble and his still emerging teeth to fall out through lack of calcium he needs to drink his milk. He needs to drink all the milk I deign to give him. But he won't, he just, won't. Googling away (as you do in any kind of crisis) I found an uppity woman who stated, quite clearly (on a post about cows milk protein intolerance) that children should not be drinking cows breast milk (Breast? Udder?) and should be getting everything they need through solid food including yoghurts and cheese. Because clearly these don't contain any cows milk. She then went on to rave about the benefits of hemp milk. Yes, hemp milk. Hemp as in the item that some may smoke to evoke certain illegal highs, or make sacks out of. Hemp most definitely doesn't have udders, or breasts, or any kind of milk giving system. How, in the name of Dickens, do you get milk out of some hemp? The same goes for almonds. And rice. I'm assuming rice milk is the left over murky water from over boiling. I hope I am wrong.

Lastly, on my milk-giving-receiving thread. Whales are mammals, yes? So they feed their young? How, exactly, do they do this without all the milk washing away? And without drowning? Answers on a postcard please.